you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
