so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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