I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
