Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
