I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
