i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
