Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
