i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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