I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
