My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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