I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
