then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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