I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
