Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
