Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
