worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
