I CAN MOONWALK!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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