yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
