My liver just broke up with me...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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