We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
