New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
