i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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