there's paper in my vomit.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
