What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
