I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
