Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
