i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
