I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
