Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
