You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
