guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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