The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
