Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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