my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
