Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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