Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize