Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
