my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
