I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
