She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
