then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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