The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
