There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
