We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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