The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
