Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sext me about skeletons
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
