i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize