Christians are straight up FREAKS
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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