I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
