he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
