I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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