I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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