we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
