just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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