Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
