At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
