u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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