I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
