Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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