He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
