Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
