just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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