Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
