the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
