p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
