that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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