I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
