You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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