yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
